The Washington Free Beacon has exclusively obtained a WhatsApp group text between former president Barack Obama and his core group of political advisers following the New Hampshire primary.
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Barack Obama: Looks like we dodged a Biden, I mean bullet
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Susan Rice: F—k. Biden’s such a f—king chickens—t loser
Bill Ayers: Maybe it’s time to have the conversation about Bernie? Btw great seeing on the Vineyard last week, Barry
Obama: This night’s bad enough. But you’re probably right, B
Ayers: Frank Marshall Davis would want you to endorse Bernie Sanders
John Brennan: What would Gus Hall want you to do, Mr. President?
Obama: Valerie can you send me Angela Merkel’s WhatsApp offline?
Ben Rhodes: I wish we could nominate her
Obama: VJ? Or AM?
Rhodes: Both, LOL 🤣😂
Obama: Agreed, ROFL
Pod Save America: Mr. President, sir, we really need to talk about viable options, i.e., who can beat Donald Trump in November. So I recommend we consider Mayor Pete.
Brennan: Mayor Pete’s a good guy. He did great work for us in Somaliland. The 🍞-pricing fiasco in Canada was not his fault. Ottawa station owns that screw up
Ayers: I can’t believe what I’m hearing, Barry. Are you the same community organizer who couldn’t stop talking about praxis? Or are you some corporate sellout who listens to a CIA company man who left the communist party in disgrace?
Bernardine Dohrn: Srsly, Barack. If u endorse Pete we’re kicking u out of Weather Underground.
Obama: Everybody settle down. Bernie versus Pete is a false choice. I could neither endorse Bernie nor denounce Mayor Pete. Because really we’re all a little Sanders and we’re all a little Buttigieg. They want socialized medicine and worship Beyoncé in the Bernie states, and they want kids to learn transgender history and feel safe from climate change in the Pete states. We want the same things. We need unity.
Rahm Emanuel: Amy Klobuchar, Mr. President
Valerie Jarrett: That b—h?
Michelle Obama: Never. Didn’t she throw a comb at a salad or something?
Jarrett: She’s white AF. This 👏 is 👏 20👏20
Emanuel: Maybe it’s not too late for the vice president, Mr. President
Obama: Rahm, I was on the phone with him last week. I wanted to talk about first-quarter fundraising, he couldn’t shut up about the old trolleys in Scranton from the 1940s. He drifts in and out. It’s not good. We dodged a Biden here.
Joe Biden: Im in South Canoodle. hunter say the kid isn’t his
Joe Biden has been removed from this chat
Pod Save America: Hail Mary time. We need someone as young as Pete, but who doesn’t have all the CIA / McKinsey / neo-liberal / corporate baggage. We need a known name, who is 🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈, but also relates to women. Ronan Farrow?
Obama: Should David French be his running mate?
Jarrett: Don Lemon or Cory Booker. Is Ana Navarro gay?
Ayers: Why not Bernie?
Obama: Who’s your contact with Bernie?
Ayers: Bill Kunstler, before he died
Obama: Great guy. So glad I had a chance to meet him
Ayers: Now we go through Chapo Trap House
Obama: Would that be a problem for you guys, Tommy?
Pod Save America: 🤷🏻♂️
Obama: OK, report back to me